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I eagerly asked Tom how the medicines had worked. He told me he hadn't taken any of the pills. Trying to conceal my irritation, I asked him why. "I realized that if I take the pills and the nightmares go away," he replied, "I will have abandoned my friends, and their deaths will have been in vain. I need to be a living memorial to my friends who died in Vietnam." I was stunned: Tom's loyalty to the dead was keeping him from living his own life, just as his father's devotion to his friends had kept him from living.