Texts

Below you will find a set of texts used on TypeRacer. Certain texts only appear on certain difficulties.

Sorted by difficulty rating compared to other texts

Show abbreviated texts

Rank ID Text Length Races Difficulty Rating Top Score Top 100 Average Active Since
1. #1850018 Meg: Finally, look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life. Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me. 214 115 1.107 157.51twitch.tv/philliesmagic - O... 102.39 95.74 February 1, 2011
2. #1850014 Storm Trooper: Hey, did you hear something? Canadian Storm Trooper: Probably just another drill. You know that last drill we had? I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, and then we heard that there was this drill, and she told me there was no way. 251 100 1.083 149.06Amen [Dvorak-Trainee] (amun) 93.68 93.68 January 30, 2011
3. #1850012 Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside. 226 107 1.078 177.65[NTM] Vielle (arc_sec) 95.37 92.26 January 30, 2011
4. #1850009 Peter [after Lois tells him he's childish]: You better watch who you're calling a child Lois. Because if I'm a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert. 237 83 1.032 174.06[NTM] Vielle (arc_sec) 81.72 81.72 January 31, 2011
5. #1850005 Stewie: You hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So, umm. This is awkward, but... I mean, if they can do that -that's pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you might as well pack it in, game over. 208 98 1.032 153.00twitch.tv/philliesmagic - O... 87.91 87.91 January 30, 2011
6. #1850016 Lois: Peter tell Chris that women are not objects! Peter: Your mother's right Chris, listen to what it says. 108 30 1.027 156.62play.typeracer.com/?rt=trmr... 66.27 66.27 February 4, 2011
7. #1850011 Peter: You know, I feel kind of bad, you guys. I promised my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Quagmire: Oh, don't feel bad, Peter. Peter: Oh, gee. I never thought of it like that. 177 61 1.021 133.74police (styrofoam) 73.11 73.11 January 30, 2011
8. #1850002 Stewie: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here's where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup. 475 60 1.018 157.58Sean Wrona (arenasnow2) 96.18 96.18 January 31, 2011
9. #1850000 Lois: Peter, where have you been? You left for the market six hours ago! Did you get the beans? Peter: Lois, I've got something better! You know how you've always wanted a real diamond engagement ring? Lois: Oh, oh my God! Peter: That's right, I've bought a horse! 264 94 1.003 154.91Sean Wrona (arenasnow2) 89.44 89.44 January 31, 2011
10. #1850010 Peter: Brian, I am just as non-competitive as anyone else. As a matter of fact I'm the most non-competitive, so I win. 118 35 0.994 132.20police (styrofoam) 64.85 64.85 January 29, 2011
11. #1850006 Meg [about Peter being retarded]: I can never go to school again! Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight. 408 60 0.986 147.49twitch.tv/philliesmagic - O... 93.13 93.13 February 1, 2011
12. #1850017 Lois: You're drunk again! Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking. 95 20 0.980 134.62police (styrofoam) 64.30 64.30 February 10, 2011
13. #1850019 Lois: Well, it's actually Brian I need to talk to you about. Peter: Boy, he's a hell of a guy, isn't he? The one guy I know I can trust. Lois: Brian tried to have sex with me. [Peter looks at her sternly] Peter: ...Was he bigger than me? 237 91 0.980 137.92twitch.tv/philliesmagic - O... 86.92 86.92 February 2, 2011
14. #1850003 Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call? Diane Simmons: [sighs] Ghostbusters, Tom. Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said. 238 87 0.979 141.55police (styrofoam) 83.09 83.09 January 29, 2011
15. #1850013 Peter: I'm looking for some toilet training books. Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'. Peter: Well, you see, we're catholic. Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'. 302 75 0.972 164.35[NTM] Vielle (arc_sec) 83.73 83.73 January 31, 2011
16. #1850007 Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad. Meg: We have the same dad, idiot! Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter! 106 26 0.970 121.29police (styrofoam) 65.56 65.56 February 9, 2011
17. #1850020 Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy? Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month. Peter: What? Doctor [revealing a comic he was reading]: Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. 270 91 0.970 142.21twitch.tv/philliesmagic - O... 81.70 81.70 March 17, 2011
18. #1850001 [Peter is in front of a mirror, preparing for a party] Lois: Look at that handsome man. Peter: You son of a bitch! [punches the mirror] 135 38 0.958 134.83police (styrofoam) 51.92 51.92 January 29, 2011
19. #1850008 Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. [Lois and Peter stare in silence] Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts. [Peter and Lois keep staring] Meg: You don't know anything about me. [runs upstairs] Peter: Who was that guy? 260 81 0.938 139.50Sean Wrona (arenasnow2) 79.61 79.61 January 30, 2011
20. #1850004 Peter: Look Brian! Theres a message in my Alphabits. It says "oooooooooooo" Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. 109 21 0.930 110.98police (styrofoam) 48.62 48.62 February 5, 2011
21. #1850015 Peter: [standing at urinal] Uh-oh. Fire! Fire! City Hall is burning! Don't worry! I'll put it out! Aaahhh! 106 30 0.895 116.05police (styrofoam) 47.98 47.98 January 31, 2011