Text #4300068

So, first off I'm glad you guys were able to have that conversation, and that you're willing to wait. It's good to be supportive, but also not pressure anyone into anything. When you like someone a lot, I can understand that you'd want to talk to them and see them all the time. I can imagine that the physical distancing, and the fact that she doesn't exactly want to be together at the moment, hurts. But as the older one in this relationship, it's good of you to respect her decision and to wait until she's ready to tell her family and get their support. In terms of keeping her in your life, I think continuing to be there for her, offering her support, talking with her as a friend, respecting her decisions, not being emotionally manipulative by making her feel guilty for not being able to invest as much into the relationship as you would like. These are perfect ways to leave a favourable impression on her. It would leave the impression in her mind that you are more mature than her peers, that you care about what's best for her, and I think that would make her feel very loved and supported. You are both in an incredibly important period of development in your lives so you will experience many changes and challenges. I think it's special when two people in a relationship (dating or not) can watch and help each other grow. I think it's a special way for people to strengthen a bond with one another. I know thinking about long term doesn't help with the fact that you're missing her a lot currently, but I guess I want to say that some things are well worth the wait. Showing her that you're a special person doesn't require you to be taking all her time. You know how sometimes people don't appreciate the things they have until they go missing? Similar to that - sometimes you need some space away from each other in a relationship to better cherish the times that you're together. Not saying that she doesn't appreciate your presence, but I just want to reassure you that even if she's not around as often as she used to be, don't chase after her with messages in fear that she won't think of you - rather, just give her that space. Try to do stuff on your own during that time, and then when she's around again you guys can enjoy your conversations and time together. I'm glad you're supportive of her decision and I think that really shows your maturity and how much you care for her. You guys have many, many years ahead of you and you will hopefully get to appreciate that fact as you get a little older. I hope you find healthy ways to occupy yourself at the moment and try to change your mindset to thinking long term so you don't dwell on any upset feelings that you're currently experiencing. You will have ups and downs, but hopefully remembering that life - and healthy relationships in general - are continuous journeys. Dealing with these intense emotions will get better over time. I hope you both continue to grow and mature together and that things work out for the two of you.

—from A Book About Love, a book by Jonah Lehrer

Active since May 21, 2022.
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